Losing Joyfully In A Church Conflict Pt. 1

I have been doing some reading and thought I'd share with you this article in parts. It's a long read but to save your eyes, I'll break it down into four parts:

Written By Steve Pettit..

You know something I've noticed as I work with churches in conflict? This may come as a surprise to you, but people get angry - sometimes flat out nasty - when they're repeatedly stopped from doing the things they want to do. It seems saints can get downright unsaintly when somebody gets in their way.

And that's one of the major reasons for church conflict. You want to do something -- maybe even something that God has planted in your heart -- and other people are trying to stop you. Maybe they're not actually actively trying to stop you, but they're blocking the path to your objective. When that happens in a church, there are two dangers you need to be aware of:

First, your desires can easily transform into demands

You want to make a change and others are resisting your brilliant ideas! Without thinking, you begin to unconsciously insist that everyone must comply with your agenda. "Resistance is futile!" Yet - this weapon of the flesh - won't make it any easier for the others to join you in your quest to make a change. In fact, they may pick up another weapon of the flesh - pride - and use that to fight you to the bitter end.

Or, you'll start trying to control the people around you rather than cooperate with them

You'll try to rule them rather than serve them. You'll try to fix them rather than accept them (and maybe even learn something from them). Your objective becomes to control the outcome by force; you rule over the decision making process by manipulation; or you just plain begin to argue in a powerful attempt to "fix" the flawed logic of anyone who doesn't agree with your own point of view.

The problem with either of these strategies is that they're self-centered, and they only allow you to see the situation from the lens of self-interest.

And I hate to be the one to break the news, but if you begin to operate from a position of self- interest, that really shows there's a flaw in your basic belief system.

The Bible clearly teaches that what we believe changes the way we act, so, the question is - What do such self-centered actions say about your basic beliefs?

Why is it we operate as though self-determination, pressure or even sabotage is better than abandonment to God?

Here's the hard truth -- it's easier to grab for power than it is to love! It's easier to control than it is to love. And it's tempting to grab for power and control because it looks so strong - At first. In reality, they're quite weak because, by resorting to them, we will never achieve the long-term results that God desires in our lives or in our churches.

Listen to this: regardless of your circumstances, God's objective is for you to love, not control. But as Henri Nouwen says, it's easier to try being "God" than to love and trust God. I don't have to tell you that it's easier to control people than it is to love them. But when we make it our objective to love -- even those we're in conflict with -- then we become "other-centered," and we're able to analyze the conflict through God's eyes. This puts us in the best possible position to pursue a holy resolution to any conflict. Look at John 14:21: "Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him." and you'll see that God chooses to reveal Himself to those who love, not those who control or fix.