Rarely a week goes when we don’t get a call or an email from someone in ministry who says something like this: "I’ve had enough! I’m so tired of all the conflicts. It seems like it’s always the same struggles over and over again, and nothing EVER gets resolved."
Sometimes the conflict is with congregational powers - they want their own throne. It really doesn’t matter all that much because the effects are mostly the same: high anger levels, family stress, fatigue, discouragement, and feelings of inadequacy.
Most church fights fail to produce anything constructive because they’re not being fought according to a "
holy battle plan." We tend to fight from a reactive point-of-view, using whatever tactics and weapons we have available to preserve our position. Sound familiar to you?
Yet, faith in God calls us to stop using "
weapons of the flesh" and to start using God’s plan (tactics) for resolving conflict. I would like to offer these essentials to godly conflict resolution:
1. Let mercy lead (Proverbs 3:3-6)We must abandon the concept of "fairness". The way of God has nothing to do with "fair". Do you think it's fair that Christ had to die on the cross? Is it fair that He had to be scorned with whiplashes and poked with crown of thorns? It is humanely easy to point fingers and spot them for being "unfair". But God calls us to lovingly and kindly meet them where they stand and pour out mercy on them.
2. Let truth be your guideYour feelings cannot be your final word. Your thoughts alone is not and cannot determine the ultimate truth. God alone has the authority and gives the best perspective of any given situation.
3. The battle belongs to the LordSatan's primary target: encouraging you to thing that the battle is "against you." This can be done with you're feeling fatigued. It's the devil's way of driving a deceptive wedge between you and God. Consider the same of Apostle Peter and his use of blustery words, swords, curses and lies were all desperate attempts, in the heat of battle, to take care of himself apart from God. By believing that the battle is the Lord’s, you cast your all and your concerns on him, and leave it up to him to fight the battle.
4. Depend on the Bible (the mind of our Lord)I have been teaching the book of Proverbs and we’re told not to lean on our own understanding (Prov. 3:5). It’s only human nature to make your understanding the standard by which you judge others. But it makes perfect sense because "
There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death." (Prov. 16:25, NIV)
If you argue about your situation with the best of your abilities, knowledge; you may even win the argument, but if your intelligence or logic is fueled by self-preservation – by what’s best for you , by what you understand - then you’ve gained nothing from God’s point of view because the flesh profits nothing. Right? Where the Old Testament tells us to "lean not,” the New Testament says rely on the mind of Christ (1 Cor. 2:16). This is the holy logic that prefers the interests of others above your own. This changes your perspective on the mess in front of you. In other words, you have just got to change your thinking into Christ's thinking!
5. Your struggle is not against flesh and blood (Ephesians 6:12)- Satan wants you to create, in mind & heart, a list of enemies:
- The minister who opposes your vision.
- A fellow member who sabotages your dreams.
- The spouse you sleep with.
- The teenager you argue with daily.
But the Bible clearly teaches us that they are not the real enemy. He uses this tactic because as long as he can keep you looking at a flesh and blood opponent, then you’re more likely to do battle with weapons of the flesh.
In one of my book readings, the author explained, "God teaches your battle is with "unseen spiritual forces of wickedness.” Therefore, "flesh and blood” weapons – such as manipulation, argument, gossip, slander – are of no use whatsoever. In fact, they only serve to make matters worse.
Until you fully believe that you’re wrestling against unseen spiritual powers, you’ll never actually get to the root of the problem. This is one of the reasons that churches keep repeating the same cycle of conflict over and over again." Very true!! We're gnawing at the same, bad ole' bone!
6. When you have faith, you don't use the weapons of the flesh (2 Corinthians 10:4-5)Any device we use to get our own needs met apart from God is a weapon of the flesh. Weapons like these that are commonly used in church conflicts include:
- Intimidation
- Ridicule
- Threats
- Unholy alliances with individuals or groups in power.
Church power struggles rely heavily on:
- Blame and gossip
- Manipulation and blessings withheld.
If you're the kind of person that uses the weapons of the flesh and if you think you've won some battles, really, you have lost them all!
WEAPONS OF THE FLESH ONLY WORK FOR THE SHORT TERM! With enough intimidation, we may overpower a foe. Withhold that blessing, and we may get our way. Nag long enough, and we might get what we want. But while we’re experiencing short-term gains, we’re piling up long-term losses. Remember, it's Satan - the liar, the accuser, the murderer – that conceives carnal weapons.
7. When you have faith, you ought to be using weapons of the SpiritPrayer is one of the most overlooked spiritual weapons available. It’s prayer that re-centers us, reminding us who God is and who we are as his children. It’s prayer that draws us up into the eternal perspective so we’re no longer locked in a temporal point of view. It’s prayer that gives us God’s interpretation, revealing to us his story on the conflict.
Forgiveness is another powerful Spirit weapon that releases everyone involved. Remember that the forgiver Himself lives in you, so God may call you to make the first move toward genuine healing by asking you to embrace his grace, and die to your rights and privileges.
